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9/26/2002 The only side-effect I don't like from taking my meds is that it balances my emotions to the point that even if I'm angry or upset about something, I can't cry. It happens very rarely. I used to cry very easily; it was my way of relieving stress. But these days, it doesn't happen often. In this entire year, I can remember crying twice. Because of this side-effect, my crying has become a good indicator of my emotional state. Basically, if I cry, there's something seriously wrong.I've felt a little off for the past couple of weeks. I get a feeling of isolation and loneliness that comes and goes. That's not a good feeling to get when living in a dorm; there are always people around you. Feeling lonely here is ten times worse than feeling lonely at home, especially if you're not even alone at the time. Also during these last two weeks, I started dating someone. The experience is completely new to me, and it freaked me out more than I had anticipated. It's not his fault; it's just a weird thing that I need to get used to. These things built up inside, and I kept trying to deal with it. But I finally reached my breaking point two nights ago. And I cried. So I made an appointment the next day to go back and see my therapist. I had been meaning to for months, just as a safety measure, but I never got around to it. Now I have. I saw her yesterday morning, and a little over an hour (and $70) later, I felt a lot better. I had told myself what my problems were and that I needed to work through them. But apparently, telling them to someone else and getting her professional opinion works a lot better for me. If I can make it through the next couple of months, I think I'll be fine for the rest of the year. October and November, as my doctor pointed out to me, always seem to screw me up somehow. Midterms and Thanksgiving. Probably my least favorite times of the year. Hopefully I'll be able to write more here. I miss being able to get stuff out of my system. I feel like I've been holding a lot in lately. I'll have to work on that. Listening to: Hold Me Now by Jennifer Knapp. Feeling: Hopeful. posted 3:26 PM / post 9/12/2002 I'm going to Gator's tonight with Robin and Brannon to see someone from Huntingdon play. I've never met him, but they seem to like him and really want to go, so hey, what the hell. I think I'm going to skip my Eng. Lit. class tomorrow and just sleep. I've been to the other two classes this week, and we never get too much done, so... Since I have enough to get my discussion journal done for this week, I don't feel like going. So HA.Tomorrow, Robin and I are going over to Shakespeare's Closet at ASF. They're selling off all the random stuff they don't need anymore, so there should be some great things. I hope I don't spend too much money. Then I'll go home and sleep the weekend away. And read the Canterbury Tales. What fun. And now I'll leave you with this message that my roommate Stella left on my computer yesterday: "So, I was like, this Cathy girl rocks, but I wasn't gonna say anything 'cause people might accuse me of being weird or something girly like that, so I was like, 'Shut up, you're girly too, I think Cathy's cool and stuff so you can bite me.' And then I was like, yeah, cool." ^_^ posted 9:08 PM / post 9/1/2002 Oy, what a rough weekend. It's not something I can go into here because people involved are also people I know read this, so... I got a lot out of my system yesterday and I'm feeling much better about the whole situation. There's just one more person to talk to, but that's gonna have to wait till later in the week. But I can't wait to get back to the dorms tomorrow so I give Robin a big hug!Whew. Well, I got kind of sick today, too. Everytime I go through a sudden temperature change, I get congested and headachey and shit, and hey, going from a 70 degree dorm room to an 80 degree house is a pretty damn big change. So I woke up this morning congested, with a sort throat, drainage, and the beginnings of a migraine. I had to drag myself out to the kitchen around 7 am to take some aspirin and then it took forever to get back to sleep, since I can never fall asleep with a headache. And I seem to have a tiny bit of pressure built up in my ears. Oh well. I'll get better once I'm back in the dorms. But damn that headache sucked ass. I watched some movies over the weekend... Two of which I'd seen before (The Cat's Meow and America's Sweethearts) and one I hadn't (The Sweetest Thing), which I did like. It was kinda perfect considering my situation this weekend. Anyway, I've had lots of sleep and relaxation. Now I just need to read the Beowulf excerpt from my English lit book before Wednesday, and I'm all good. And happy (late) birthday, Melanie! I still have your present... I need to find some time to drive over to your apartment. Call me when you're free for a bit. ^_^ posted 10:05 PM / post |